I’ve noticed a pattern in my behavior that makes little practical sense, but seems quite common. I have noticed that I will delay beginning a project with the intent and defense that I need more information before starting, that I need to learn more and study so I’m equipped to ace the project.
I’m calling bullshit on myself this time.
I enjoy writing, am college educated, was almost an English major, and have plenty of time to use a computer - as has been proven by my social media usage over the past several months. So for this particular project, starting to write my blog, there isn’t a good reason I didn’t start years ago. I thought about listing my excuses here, but really, they’d be the same ones you’re making up for me now, so what use is that? I don't really need to explain to you that I was just making excuses to myself because I was a little afraid, and because I wouldn't know how to measure my writing, and because I didn't know what to expect, do I? ;-)
So instead of learning about blogging and reading lots of blogs and learning cool buzz words so I can write like the cool kids, I’m just going to start now. I have no idea what I’m doing, except for my vision to share with you my story of change as I fight through my mental health challenges and begin embracing a process to be and feel balanced emotionally by understanding myself better.
I have to thank Mike Veny, my friend, mentor, and boss, for pushing me to write by subtle and not so subtle means. Thanks to him I decided to sit down at That One Spot at lunch today and complete my weekly goal before I even emailed it to him. Boom!
Writing about mental health challenges is one of the last things I ever saw myself writing about publicly, and that's precisely why I want to do it now. For one thing, having rarely had the subject on my intellectual radar, it's going to feel vast and new for a long time. On the other hand, part of my process to feel comfortable with myself includes being transparent. I have anger issues, yo. I have fear of abandonment issues. I'm a people-pleasing perfectionist in denial about it, and I'm learning just how common all of that is. I am excited for how this writing process will inevitably help me live transparently, because I tend to hide how I feel even at my own emotional or sometimes tangible loss, and because as an entrepreneur it's going to strengthen my business skills in the best possible ways.
Perhaps I’m most excited to open myself up and share some of my favorite as well as most challenging aspects of my character with people who are currently strangers, but who will later be friends having deep conversations with me. I get to travel often, and I love meeting new people. I also delight in connecting with people through social media, so don’t be shy. :-D I'm excited for the ways in which YOU are going to affect my progress and development that I won't see coming. I'm looking forward to truck-to-the-face discoveries that resonate within me for years, and I'm excited to share them with you.
Oh, and by the way, it only took me about an hour to write this post. It only took me an hour to begin something I’ve been procrastinating for years. As I'm getting ready to publish my post, I'm feeling pretty good. Pretty happy with myself.
I encourage you to call bullshit on yourself, to get up off of your ass, and to start that project that you know damn well you're past qualified for and should have already started. ;-) Then tell me about it!
