Reflections on Connecting Through Drumming

This  past weekend I had the joy of assisting Mike Veny speak about mental health, lead 200 people with a teambuilding activity and two drum circles at the 4th Annual Young Adult Voice Movement Conference held at the University of Vermont in Burlington. The conference consisted of 15-21 year old young adults who live with mental health challenges first hand from a variety of experiences including broken and/or abusive homes, living as a non-english speaking refugee in the U.S., or autism, for example (not an all inclusive list, btw). It was the first mental health conference or event I’ve ever been to, and I was truly blown away.

On a daily basis I struggle with anger issues as well as feeling alone and/or disconnected. It’s so easy for us - excuse the cliche - to be wrapped up in our own lives and our own problems. When the first groups of attendees began to enter the conference room Friday night, I was struck by their simultaneous excited energy and their nervousness. I watched from afar and could tell some of the young adults felt disconnected from the group, maybe insecure, and definitely unsure of themselves. I smiled inside because I could identify with them - even as I stood in the center of the room with Mike banging out time on an agogo bell. While Friday night was great, and inspired two huge realizations, it pales in comparison (for me) to our two drum circles on Saturday.

Due to some logistical confusion accompanied by an 8:30am start time, our first workshop consisted of only six participants. The second included about 15 people. Now me being little Miss Plan It Out, I had a brief mental “qkwefydicwdebguixgfwyeiuxwgeriu?!?” when I realized that nothing was going according to plan. We planned on having a full room for both circles. Mike, in contrast, was characteristically unphased. “Alright guys,” he began, “we’re going to go ahead and play a game while we wait for the others to show up.”

Since the group was so small, I didn’t actually have to assist with anything this time. I mean, usually I keep time for the group on the agogo bell, but with only eight people in the circle it was unnecessary, so I became a member of the drum circle just the same as the participants. I felt different than the group, partially because of my age, partially because I have very few interactions with their age group, but mostly because I was focused on our perceived differences. When I realized this, I shifted my focus completely to the circle and to drumming. I’m very glad that I did.

The youngest person in our circles was 15, and the oldest... had a head of grey hair and a warm, grandfatherly smile. Didn’t even matter. After the first game, I really felt connected with the group. In both drum circles. I really felt that they felt connected with each other - including the participant who was clearly shy and unsure about drumming and being loud. He might have looked unsure, but he was still smiling. The high energy participant in the second group, who had trouble not speaking out of turn, was still happy and excited in their face as we played games and drummed together even when they didn’t have everyone’s attention. No one said, “hey I feel connected!” until the very end, when Mike asked us to talk about how we felt and what we learned. The communication I was receiving while drumming was all nonverbal, or at least not articulated. In the moment I went with it, but as I reflect on the moment I’m blown away and filled with emotion.

In two short drum circles in one morning, I saw just how powerful a common positive experience could be, particularly when experienced with an open mind. Since we could simply express our feelings and our role in the group through a slap or a tap, I think we all felt safe doing whatever came natural to us. Some drummers banged their drums, others were happy to tap a simple and even whimsical beat. This is the kind of environment teams are striving for all of the time. This was the kind of trust my colleagues and I were trying to cultivate in my day job, and here we achieved it as strangers by coming together shoulder to shoulder as equals, listening and accepting one another through the guidance of a leader who has the awareness and maturity to let the group express itself as was natural to them. I’m actually shaking my head in awe right now. That’s how powerful this was for me!

How can you apply this to your life?

Carry around a drum and ask everyone to play with you, duh! ...Just kidding! :-)

What I got from this is that a simple and fun activity as equals, as peers, showed me that our group had good intentions and a positive attitude even during their personal struggle. If we had to go from that drum circle to being a project team, I would be more willing to listen and understand my teammates because I had already bonded with them. I feel I would also be slower to judge their words and actions. I was also inspired by their spiritual perseverance to let go and have fun. I should do that more often myself.

I learned how important it is to be and remain aware of nonverbal communication. If I had waited until the group told us how they felt, I would have missed out on being connected with them. I’m going to make an aware effort to “listen” to nonverbal communication and let it satisfy me more, and to allow people around me to communicate acceptance and trust without having to articulate it to me. I recognize that I enjoy words and putting my feelings into words, and pushing others to verbally clarify their feelings is about satisfying my own desires, and not about respecting and caring for theirs. I’m very glad I see this now!

We don’t need to have wild getaways, vacations, crazy picnics, or even drum circles to feel connected - although these kinds of activities can help and create powerful memories. The most important aspect to feeling connected is to be open to being connected. Sure, the drumming was goofy and fun, but the power of the circle was our willingness to be open and to have fun. If we didn’t open ourselves to the experience, we would not have had as much fun, or felt as connected. If we had gone into the circle with a negative mindset, we would have been holding ourselves back from the joy, fun, and connected feeling we achieved by trusting and accepting each other.

I can’t wait to participate in another one of Mike’s drum circles! However, since I do have to wait, what are some games and or ideas you have to bring your team or family together?